I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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