why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
