I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
