Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry LurkingGrue hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(250): View more from British Columbia

Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?

Fav 41 1201 3671
share tweet
(805): View more from California

i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?

Fav 39 3362 1086
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(808): View more from Hawaii

Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?

Fav 2 953 2814
share tweet
(630): View more from Illinois

he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"

Fav 11 4913 1085
share tweet
(217): View more from Illinois

Why is there a cactus in the microwave?

(1-217): View more from Illinois

Don't worry about it.

Fav 25 11217 1341
share tweet
(605): View more from South Dakota

When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots

Fav 7 1607 918
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(281): View more from Texas

NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.

Fav 5 1420 849
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(810): View more from Michigan

My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.

Fav 1 1041 552
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(808): View more from Hawaii

There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE

Fav 0 12 38
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT