What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
