She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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