Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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