I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
