I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
