atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
