i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
