I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
