you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
