Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
