Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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