we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
