He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
