East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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