Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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