Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
