Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
