you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
