so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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