But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
