PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
