dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
