You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
