My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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