you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize