My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
