Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
