my mouth tastes like poor choices
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
