Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
