we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
