I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
