OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
