found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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