so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
