well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
