Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
