Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
