Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
