i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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