I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
