Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
