Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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