If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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