Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.