there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
