Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping

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  (415): there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping http://tfl.nu/vx2g
  Replies (27) Good night (2789) Bad night (849)
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  (916): View more from California

  If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes

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  (916): If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes http://tfl.nu/yckh
  Replies (14) Good night (887) Bad night (3276)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf

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  (512): everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf http://tfl.nu/ndyg
  Replies (26) Good night (873) Bad night (5400)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day

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  (334): just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day http://tfl.nu/5gym
  Replies (11) Good night (1019) Bad night (3162)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006

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  (503): I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006 http://tfl.nu/o4mq
  Replies (9) Good night (1101) Bad night (2633)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home

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  (918): I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home http://tfl.nu/noo6
  Replies (12) Good night (3529) Bad night (876)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.

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  (847): no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them. http://tfl.nu/1ayu
  Replies (1) Good night (1487) Bad night (663)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors

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  (315): I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors http://tfl.nu/1c0w
  Replies (8) Good night (2027) Bad night (560)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.

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  (936): Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible. http://tfl.nu/yk56
  Replies (3) Good night (611) Bad night (368)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.

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  (203): You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity (1-203): You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in. http://tfl.nu/9k8g
  Replies (1) Good night (1022) Bad night (346)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.

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  (785): Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas. http://tfl.nu/amy7
  Replies (6) Good night (952) Bad night (284)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?

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  (518): Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt? http://tfl.nu/4gjt
  Replies (3) Good night (275) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.

  (1-207): View more from Maine

  Accurate.

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  (207): Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants. (1-207): Accurate. http://tfl.nu/jdou
  Replies (2) Good night (487) Bad night (218)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.

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  (812): we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever. http://tfl.nu/pdge
  Replies (1) Good night (833) Bad night (238)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"

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  (443): You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty" http://tfl.nu/zep8
  Replies (1) Good night (532) Bad night (208)

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