I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again