You smell like stripper and shame
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.