Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

I just tipped a bartender in xanax.

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(619): View more from California

I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case

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(985): View more from Louisiana

Four minutes until I can fart!

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(410): View more from Maryland

She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(605): View more from South Dakota

If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.

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(607): View more from New York

I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.

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(301): View more from Maryland

...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.

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