i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
