Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
