Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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