About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
