capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
