She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
