I'm eating all of the evidence.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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