I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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