you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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