Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
