i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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