Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize