I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
