Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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