'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
