dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
