Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
