just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
